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NFL Power Rankings: Are the 49ers for real?

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A new NFL power rankings bring some fresh blood and movement to the power ten. The battle of the winless Redskins and Dolphins clarifies who is worse, or does it? The 49ers show the Rams whos in charge in the NFC West. And of course, the Patriots go out and win again. That is enough setup time for the NFL power rankings

The Power Ten

1. New England Patriots(6-0) – Could anyone have given the Patriots an easier road to 6-0? Looking at you, NFL. Win/Loss record of teams faced: 11-23.

2. San Francisco 49ers(5-0) – Jimmy Garoppolo clearly has a deal with the crossroads demon. It is really the only answer at this point.

3. New Orleans Saints(5-1) – The first big jump of the week as the Saints go from eight to three. Can we give Sean Payton the NFL Coach of the year award now? Since the Brees injury, they are only 4-0.

Green Bay Packers(5-1) – The Pack is back. This is how you walk in when you know you’re a boss.

5. Kansas City Chiefs(4-2) – Kansas City suffers a second loss in a row, nearly falling out of the top five. Maybe Pat Mahomes is human? Nah, somehow, this is Andy Reid’s fault. He even said so.

6. Buffalo Bills (4-1) – Sorry, BillsMafia, no Josh Allen rocketing footballs all over the field this week. Here are some highlights I found on youtube to hold you over. Got to keep the Mafia happy. 

7. Seattle Seahawks(5-1) – The Seahawks are making a living off of close games. Four of the five wins they have been by a combined 14 points. Maybe this guy has something to do with it.

8. Houston Texans(4-2) – A week after dropping 53 points, they go and beat Pat Mahomes and the Chiefs. Not a bad couple of weeks. Is Deshaun Watson now the front-runner for MVP like my dude Lachard thinks?

9. Indianapolis Colts(3-2) – The Colts maintain a top spot while not playing.

10. Carolina Panthers(4-2) – 4-0 without Cam Newton. 0-2 with Cam Newton. Should this even be a controversy? Healthy or not Cam may sit.

Middle of the Pack

11. Detroit Lions(2-2-1) – This Lions team is EIGHT points from being 5-0. Maybe they should score more touchdowns as my friend Larry suggests.

12. Chicago Bears(3-2)Da Bears hold down their spot on a bye.

13. Minnesota Vikings(4-2) – Was that Kirk Cousins at quarterback? It was…wow, what a game. He played who? Oh, that explains it. (this works two weeks in a row)

14. Baltimore Ravens(4-2) – The Ravens lead the worst division in football.

15. Oakland Raiders(3-2) – The Raiders move up without playing a game. It was that bad last week for the teams around them.

16. Los Angeles Rams(3-3) – I am still not sure about that 134 million-dollar decision. Is the shine coming off the genius?

17. Philadelphia Eagles(3-3) – Think the injuries are finally catching up

18. Dallas Cowboys(3-3) – Jerry PLEASE!!!! Fire Jason Garrett before Dak and the rest of this team are in complete ruin. This will be on here until they fire Garrett or he wins a Super…sorry started laughing too hard.

19. Arizona Cardinals(2-3-1) – Now, they have won two games. They also look better than the next team on my list. Kyler Murray is the most celebrated young quarterback in the NFL, until next week.

Fading Fast

20. Jacksonville Jaguars(2-4) – Gardner Minshew still the leader of men and raging cult ICON!!! Now he just needs to win some games.

21. NY Giants(2-4) – The Giants and Daniel Jones come back down to earth. Will everybody else not named Gettleman now be right about Jones?

22. Cleveland Browns(2-4) – Welp, it was fun while it lasted…Trent Williams, you say?

23. Pittsburgh Steelers(2-4) – Who in the heck is Devlin Hodges. Bad year for quarterbacks in Pittsburgh. Or maybe not?

24. Tampa Bay Buccaneers(2-4) – Jameis Winston just Jameis Winston’d Bruce Arians. FIVE picks in one game are just obscene.

25. Los Angeles Chargers(2-4) – At this point me calling them the San Diego Chargers might be the least of their issues. This team has lost whatever it had a year ago. 

26. Tennessee Titans(2-4) – If the answer is Tannehill. I don’t like the question.

27. Denver Broncos(2-4) – Ball control and defense. Just like this guy likes it.

Chase for #1

28. Atlanta Falcons(1-5) – Blow it up. Fire Dan Quinn and trade everything away for assets.

29. New York Jets(1-4) – Sam Darnold is coming back soon..yay. They beat the Cowboys because of Sam.

30. Cincinnati Bengals(0-6) – They stay ahead of Washington because Miami doesn’t count.

31. Washington Redskins(1-5) – They are better than Miami. Well, maybe not but they beat’em.

32. Miami Dolphins(0-5) – And back to our regularly scheduled programming. It seems like last in the NFL power rankings is their home.

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