Happy MLB Festivus to all who celebrate. Yes, it’s that time of the year again, December 23rd; the time for the airing of grievances, as per the rules of the Festivus holiday.
Made popular by the zany cast of “Seinfeld,” Festivus, as defined by Wikipedia, is a secular holiday celebrated as an alternative to the commercialism and other pressure now associated with Christmas. I don’t know about you, but I hate the monetary factor that’s become synonymous with Christmas. I’m no Howard Hughes, so I feel the financial bite with the rest of you. To that, I say, Happy MLB Festivus!
Along with the airing of grievances also comes feats of strength and Festivus miracles. No need to waste time, as I have my MLB Festivus Grievances to air.
MLB Festivus: The Airing of Grievances
MLB Festivus Grievance #1: First, let’s start off with the somewhat anticlimactic 2020, COVID-19 infested and affected MLB season. 60 damn games? That’s it? I was all fired up when spring training hit, then 15 days in, it was shut down like I-75 in Atlanta when a dusting of snow hits the road. To make matters worse, now the league is saying “maybe Memorial Day” for the 2021 season.
MLB Festivus Grievance #2: Why won’t the Cubs just get rid of Kris Bryant? Over the last few years, his glove has started slipping, his bat (on a 3-year average) has been terrible, and now he’s injury prone as well. Trade him already! I know his value is worth about as much as my post-divorce checking account, but at this point, I’d settle for a pair of AA prospects and a return by Dennis Eckersley.
MLB Festivus Grievance #3: What in the hell is going on with (now presumably former) MLB umpire Brian O’Nora? O’Nora decided he’d blow right past all of the other ugly crimes that make professional sports look shady (domestic violence, PED use, etc.) and got himself arrested on alleged human trafficking charges in Ohio, in connection with a prostitution sting. That’s about as low-life as former Pirates’ pitcher Felipe Vazquez and his dirtball antics with an underage child. If I could use one of my feats of strength on that pair, I’d be honored.
MLB Festivus Grievance #4: Rob Manfred. Those two words alone make my blood boil most days, as Manfred’s agenda is ruining baseball. Automatic runners on second base (in extra innings) and seven-inning doubleheaders are for Little Leaguers. What’s next, Rob, participation trophies for the Orioles and Royals?
MLB Festivus Grievance #5: If COVID-19 messing with 2020 and presumably 2021 isn’t enough, there’s that impending lockout/strike following the 2021 season, as the next CBA needs to be formulated, and well… both sides are pissed. I suggested back in May to a friend of mine who plays at the Major League level, that they oughta just cancel the 2020 season, collectively void the current CBA (legal if both sides agree), and then use 2020 and it’s offseason to hammer out a new CBA. My friend thought it was brilliant, but somehow it never got to Uncle Rob’s desk.
MLB Festivus: The Miracles
MLB Festivus Miracle #1: Despite taking hack after hack at Rob Manfred’s throat, Trevor Bauer escaped the year without being fined by MLB.
MLB Festivus Miracle #2: I turned on the TV this afternoon, and this channel called the MLB Network is actually airing baseball stuff! Wait, it gets better…
MLB Festivus Miracle #3: I subscribed to MLB TV this year, and would you know it? They’re showing ballgames from the last couple of seasons, in their entirety, in an on-demand style format. It’s a miracle!
As for the feats of strength, I managed to climb out of bed this morning (and yesterday), which some days, ain’t easy. I also managed to avoid a hernia from carrying in all of the damned Christmas gifts.
Happy MLB Festivus!
(Side note: If one of your MLB Festivus grievances has anything to do with the content of this article, please save it for next year, unless of course, you can post it by midnight tonight, as per the rules).
main image credit Embed from Getty Images