NFL Power Rankings: Only Two Undefeated Left

We come to this week’s NFL Power Rankings, and there are only two undefeated teams left in the NFL. The first team you all know them and love them, the New England Patriots. The second? Yes, that is last season’s 4-12 49ers sitting at 4-0. What a difference a Garoppolo makes.

The Power Ten

1. New England Patriots(5-0) – Back at number one as usual. One of only two undefeated teams in the NFL. Let the hate begin or continue.

2. San Francisco 49ers(4-0) – Jimmy Garoppolo has some voodoo priestess on his payroll, and he is a former Tom Brady backup. 12-2 now in his first 14 games. Matt Breida is really good and really fast.

3. Kansas City Chiefs(4-1) –I so badly tried to find a reason to make them the number one or two team. And the Chiefs likely still are. But as I said last week, undefeated stay at the top. Blame the Colts. Pat Mahomes still gave us this.

4. Detroit Lions(2-1-1) – The mad scientist and his minions had the week off and hold their spot.

5. Buffalo Bills (4-1) The Buffalo Bills do it again with stifling defense against the Titans. Let’s be honest; all you want to watch is Josh Allen BillsMafia. See, we know what you want.

6. Green Bay Packers(4-1) – Just saw that commercial where Aaron Rodgers agent has some creepy dream with Rodgers and Mahomes in it, and it freaked me out a bit. Also, the Packers are a good team.

7. Seattle Seahawks(4-1) – A missed field goal is a thing of beauty when it not your kicker. Don’t face Russell Wilson on TNF.

8. New Orleans Saints(4-1) – (National Media)Teddy Bridgewater can manage games, and the Saints can stay afloat. (Teddy Bridgewater) Manage this…FOUR touchdown passes.

9. Indianapolis Colts(3-2) – The Colts get the most significant leap of the week award after taking down the Chiefs. Andrew Luck, who? Give me some more Jacoby Brissett.

10. Houston Texans(3-2) – When you put up 53 points on any team, you get to move from 12 to 10. Still, want a new head coach for them, though.

Middle of the Pack

11. Philadelphia Eagles(3-2) – Ok, seriously, just one game without an injury would be excellent. I guess if we keep winning, it is fine.

12. Chicago Bears(3-2) – I know it was the Raiders, but they had their back up quarterback playing. Did he play defense? It looked that way.

13. Los Angeles Rams(3-2) – The Rams defense has struggled two weeks in a row. A win if Legatron makes the kick. I am not sure about that 134 million-dollar decision.

14. Dallas Cowboys(3-2) – Jerry PLEASE!!!! Fire Jason Garrett before Dak and the rest of this team are in complete ruin. 

15. Baltimore Ravens(3-2) – After being beat by the clearly “overrated as hell” Baker Mayfield. The Ravens nearly get beat by the “underrated as hell” Devlin, who?

16. Carolina Panthers(3-2) – Kyle Allen is now 3-0 as the starter. Maybe Cam’s foot needs to heal a bit more? Christian McCaffrey is the current leading MVP candidate.

17. Oakland Raiders(3-2) – Ok, no more jokes about Jon Gruden after that win. We still have Jay, everyone. Josh Jacobs, welcome to NFL stardom till you have a terrible game. 

18. Minnesota Vikings(3-2) – Was that Kirk Cousins at quarterback? It was…wow, what a game. He played who? Oh, that explains it. 

Skating on thin Ice

19. Jacksonville Jaguars(2-3) – Gardner Minshew still the leader of men and raging cult ICON!!!

20. NY Giants(2-3) – Will we all be wrong about Dave Gettleman? The tide is turning against him as the league catches up with Daniel Jones. I love the hype train so much.

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers(2-3) – Bruce Arian’s offense is in full effect. Sean Payton was just better for a day.

22. Tennessee Titans(2-3) – Will the real Marcus Mariota, please stand up? Is it well past time to try someone else at quarterback?

23. Cleveland Browns(2-3) – The Browns are in first. Ahhhh…Dang, it. Should have seen that coming.

24. Los Angeles Chargers(2-3) – Austin Ekler with 16 catches still not enough for Chargers. Why is Melvin Gordon the foregone conclusion as the starter?

The Race for #1

25. Arizona Cardinals(1-3-1) – Well, they won a game.

26. Denver Broncos(1-4) – Please let Phillip Lindsay run more and Joe Flacco throw less.

27. Pittsburgh Steelers(1-4) – Who in the heck is Devlin Hodges. Bad year for quarterbacks in Pittsburgh.

28. Atlanta Falcons(1-4) – Wasn’t the defense supposed to be awesome with all the injured players back? They just gave up 53 points, so the answer is definitely NO.

29. Cincinnati Bengals(0-5) – The new motto is, ‘We lose better than the rest of those guys.’ Andy Dalton is no longer the only problem.

30. New York Jets(0-4) – Sam Darnold is coming back soon..yay.

31. Washington Redskins(0-5) – Jay Gruden’s days are over.

32. Miami Dolphins(0-4) – The Dolphins finally get a win. They were on a bye.

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