The Good, The Bad, And The Meh: XFL Edition

The XFL Finally Revealed

The 8 teams are the Dallas Renegades, Houston Roughnecks, Los Angeles Wildcats, New York Guardians, St. Louis Battle Hawks, the Seattle Dragons, Tampa Bay Vipers, and the Washington Defenders. Since all these XFL teams are in current (or former) NFL markets, the names had to stand out or the reboot would be dead in the water. They do accomplish that for better or for worse. Each team received had video package accompanying them to try and explain the names in the most cinematic way possible, and some do make sense. Some however seem like a failed madden team, and make the original team names seem like masterpieces. Let’s look at the good, the bad, and the meh.

The Good: XFL Gets Weird With It

Battle Hawk Down

The St. Louis Battle Hawks have already won our hearts, having both the best name and the best logo of the bunch. The name does sound a bit too much like the hockey rival Chicago Blackhawks and bird teams do trigger my Packer blood. It still sounds like a name a crazy billionaire carny would say, and that is something we all need a little bit of. The McMahon touch gives it a uniqueness that other start-up leagues lacked: character. If I wanted uber serious and gruff names I’d just watch the NFL. The inspiration apparently comes from the hawk animal and fighter jets, a teenage boy’s dream. Any team can be a random animal, but to be an animal AND a military vehicle at once? Unironically Brilliant.

Khaleesi Of The Green Sea

Did you know the NBA’s New Jersey Nets were almost renamed the Swamp Dragons? Sports fans were robbed, but Seattle is going to let the world live vicariously through them. The Dragons are unique as they are almost the complete opposite of their NFL counterpart and bring a mythical aura about them. Too many teams are afraid to get creative with their names (looking at you Houston “Texans”). They have a green and orange color scheme, which mix fairly well. Worst case scenario the team can tell college prospects they’re really the University of Miami. The Dragon name has been up and down over the decades, popular by Dungeons and Dragons, killed by that Eragon movie, revived by How to Train Your Dragon and Game of Thrones, killed by Game of Thrones. Maybe a championship can usher in the era of Dragons once again.

Humid RKO

Tampa Bay surprised me. When I think of Florida, I think of many reptiles but, Viper is not at the top of the list. Snakes are fast and deadly, and horribly underutilized in sports. Maybe the Cobra Kai of the Karate Kid era tainted the scaley fiend as dirty or the bad guy. Coach Marc Trestman isn’t going to change that image, but maybe the amazing green and gold will mask his mediocrity. Their logo is one of the better designs that has already outclassing their NFL counterpart Buccaneers (at least post-creamcile era). It projects what it needs simply to but doesn’t feel like abstract art the way the AAF felt. However, if they don’t do the Globo Gym Hiss entrance at least once during their existence they will bottom out this list.

The Bad: Bland-o Was His Name-o

The Wildcats Rawr xD

You know how I said any team can be an animal? LA’s team decided to go with the most bland of the sport animal kingdom with Wildcats. Even discounting the fact that almost every cat team in any sport can be classified as a wild cat, the name is so generic the tween movie High School Musical made it their mascot. They also seemed to take a page out of Steve Ballmer’s book as they just went with an LA as their logo. Wasn’t cool when the Chargers did it, wasn’t cool when the Clippers did it. Certainly not cool now. Dodgers only somewhat get away with it, and that’s because Oakland’s A is a bigger crime.

The Guardians Of The Jersey Shore

XFL original New York didn’t fare too well either when they pulled out the Guardians as their name and a logo that looks like it should’ve gone to the Wildcats. It was obvious the original name “The Hitmen” in this age would not look good, but seriously when I hear Guardians I think “of the Galaxy”, not “of that section of Rutherford that counts as NY”. Their video package included Gargoyles and talked of stone warriors, but the only thing Gargoyles or any stone statuette “guard” is my windshield from being bird poop target number 1. If the plan was going for the tween nostalgia train, Disney’s Gargoyles was a masterpiece and could get it’s own merchandise like the Mighty Ducks did. You went wild with Battle Hawks and Dragons Vince, why hold back now?

Defend This Snyder

I will give a smidgen credit to the Defenders. The colors are a play off of DC’s flag, and I get wanting to name it something patriotic. Also avoiding a racist name gives it some brownie points as well. However, the logo looks like a fan edit of Fallout 4’s Minutemen symbol and “Defenders” is not what I would use as a term for a city that got ransacked by the British during the war of 1812. What if the team is an offensive powerhouse but couldn’t stop a kindergartner from scoring in the end zone? The XFL Offenders doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Irony also doesn’t help the fact that Defenders and Guardians is redundant. Both mean the same exact thing, but at least Guardians isn’t a designation for half the team.

The Meh: XFL’s Red Headed Step Children

Dallas Renegades

Dallas Renegades is a pretty good name, but the logo looks like a Madden Relocation logo, and those things haven’t been updated in years. They could have brought the “Outlaws” back, having a bit of continuity and representing one of the most memorable teams from the original run. Outlaws are just as much of a Texas thing as they are a Vegas thing. Instead they chose to go with a generic pewter blue demon. Unless their uniforms are masterpieces the Renegades will fade into the obscurity of history, like any team other than the Outlaws or Xtreme of the original XFL.

Houston Roughnecks

This is probably the oddest choice of the bunch, and that’s saying something when Battle Hawks is the first entry. Calling someone a “roughneck” sounds like a phrase that will get you either a laugh or an assault from a Houstonite, but the logo rips off the Oilers old logo enough to yet again cash in on that sweet nostalgic bliss. The problem is any nostalgia they milked from the creation of the logo dries up immediately once you realize the rival Dallas team has the Oiler colors. If the Chicago Bear C turned purple, would it really be the Bears anymore? Unless Johnny Manziel suits up for his 547th chance at proving he is a competent QB, Houston will just feel like the Tootie Frooties to the NFL’s Fruity Pebbles.

What did you think of the XFL’s reveal? Continue the discussion on our forum, and check out some other stories by our awesome writers either through our site or via Twitter. You can follow me here and as always, thank you for reading!